i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
