I am spending my child support on dildos
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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