She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
