he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just invented taco cereal.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
