I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
