yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
