at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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