Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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