are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
