Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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