I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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