My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
