why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
