haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
