no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can I color on your dick again?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drake has all the answers
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
