I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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