I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
