I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
