Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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