My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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