The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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