Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
