I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
