So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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