Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
