Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
