when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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