It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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