Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
