I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
