I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
