You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
