she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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