She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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