My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
