party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wish there were birth control emojis
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
