Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
