I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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