I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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