im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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