You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
