Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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