Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
