Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You made out with two different species that night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
