I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
