I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
