I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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