yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
