I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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