did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
