Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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