smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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